The Thoughts of a Music Box

Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle goes the music box.

It wakes up and goes straight to the bathroom,
to finish it's morning business, I presume.
It works on a tight schedule, with not a minute to be wasted.
The breakfast prepared by the kind mother will probably be left on the table: untasted.

Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle goes the music box.

The change of clothes in done in a hurry,
all I see is a flight of clothes in a great flurry.
It rushes down, its got a bus to catch.
I hear the usual click of the latch.

Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle goes the music box.

All morning and afternoon, I wait for it to come home,
for when it is not, all feels banal, and I feel alone.
When I hear the latch click again, I fervently play Beethoven.
I know from experience that Fur Elise makes it feel less sullen.

Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle goes the music box.

The laptop cover is opened as I look in awe:
I never cease to be amazed by the fast movements of its paw.
It sits there watching the screen,
no care about me, completely unaware of how long its been.

Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle goes the music box.

All of a sudden, all my innards freeze.
There's no more music, no more Fur Elise.
There's no more sound, no more twinkle,
for the music box no more goes twinkle, twinkle.

What a window feels like.

I look out the window
as the day retires.
I watch the red sun glow
and the moon extinguishing the sky's fires.
I look at the blazing beauty.

I look at the mountains.
They hide the next world.
I see the cars speeding on the carved terrain,
passengers and things being hurled.
I look at the haunting beauty.

I hear the birds chirp on the trees.
I hear the flies buzz on the screen.
I hear the concerned mother complaining about the price of cheese.
Her son rolls his eyes, and volunteers to be mean.
I hear the sorrow beauty.

I feel the windows presence.
I look and hear its chilling essence.

On Ambition

Why do we have such high aspirations, dreams and AMBITIONS. I can never be happy with what I do. Its always too little. Warning: being a self critic is one of the worst things you can ever do to yourself. I find that whatever I do, its never good enough. I always need to do more, accomplish more, get more, more more more. ARGH. I wish I knew exactly what to do in my life, so that I could once and for all satisfy myself.

But then again, I guess life would lose all meaning completely if that happened.
I guess there is no way out.

I wish The Stranger didn't influence me so much. I feel like I see everything now in either a super-competitive way, or some strange Meursault-ish way.

On Attitudes

Everyday, I hear complaints and groans about how "life sucks" and how "school sucks" etc. But seriously, what right do we have to complain? Living in the Bay Area, going to one the best schools in the US. We don't have to worry about our next meal, we don't have to worry about where we'll sleep next. What right do we, as humans, have to say "life sucks"? I for one am sick of hearing people with negative attitudes like those. That is not to say that I don't have attitudes like that sometimes. When we compare the life of the same child living in a slum in India, or dying of AIDS in an impoverished country in Africa, what right do we have to say that life sucks? We are luckier that anyone on this entire planet. We have the right to say what we want, to pursue happiness. Instead of always looking at things with pessimism and detestation, why can't people be thankful of what they have and be glad that they aren't in a worse condition. That child soldier dying in the middle of a pointless rebel war did not do anything wrong. He tried to live a happy life, he probably tried harder than we did. Even with our luck, our riches, our good fortune, we can't just be happy and have the satisfaction that life is good and that we are so much better off than almost the entire world. Attitudes need to be changed. Pessimism needs to go. Life is pretty much as close to perfect as it can possibly be, and yet, all we do is complain.

On Economic Conditions and Emotions.

We moved to the United States when I was in 6th grade. Adjusting was no big deal. Not only because I was not the traditional "fob" because I had lived in London for a couple of years before, but also because years of moving in the past had taught me well. Anyways, sticking to the story, Michigan (was where we moved) was pretty decent, I guess. We were pretty rich for Michigan, with my dad earning more than the average salary. But then, we moved to the Bay Area. The south San Jose region was not too bad, however my mom believed that the schools were not good enough. I think it was more the kids and the surroundings. And so, fate led us to Cupertino/West San Jose, aka one of the most expensive areas of not only the Bay Area but also the entire world. Why? Simply because of the schools. Or maybe its all just a hype. Either way, the effect is created, and people are willing to pay millions of dollars for a crappy shack just to go to a Cupertino school. All across the United States, the economy stagnates, and house prices plummet, but in this area, you see none of it. On the contrary, house prices are higher than ever before, food prices are more higher than average. Basically, all prices are bloated up by 10 to 20 times. Whereas in Michigan, my dad was earning higher than average, and even with a single earner in the family, we would be considered "rich" or "well-to-do", in this area, we have degraded to low middle class, if not poor. I mean, I have nothing to complain about; I go to the best school in California, even one of the best in the United States. I have a roof over my head, and I never have to suffer in any way. I own a PS3, and iPod touch, anything a teenager could want. Well, almost. Recently, my parents have been out looking for a house in this area and I believe it's safe to say, that nothing here is affordable. I mean, no offense, but we really do not want to pay 600,000+ for a condominium, where in Texas, or any other state, we could buy a mansion for 200,000. Understanding this, my parents believe that we should move to Texas. Now the decision seems to lie on me. Me, well, I sincerely do NOT want to move. I have moved for my entire life and am truly sick of it now. Finally theres a place where I feel at home, and have made good friends. I want to finish my high school in ONE place. I have lived in countless places, however, no where have I felt as at home as in this area. Ironic, isn't it? So, long story short, my heart is set on NOT moving. The rest is, again, up to fate. Personally, I'm a bit prejudiced :|